25 billion years ago, Ashley's Pub was founded. Unfortunately, our planet was in an amorphous state, so plans of opening were temporarily placed on hold until solid ground had formed.   Another setback came during the pliocene epoch when, much to our chagrin, it was discovered that dinosaurs lacked the delicate muscle motor control required to hold a martini.  While disconcerting at the time, this ultimately led to the invention of the "Jumbo" glass.   

Man's early move from hunter-gatherer to agrarian societies was seen as a plus as it meant the development of a regular clientel instead of reliance on tourists.   Many of our current regulars date from this period.

Discovery of North America in the 15th century was the next milestone in Ashley's rise to global domination. This discovery meant that future explorers would have a continent to enter into MapQuest^TMand other search engines while exploring new territories.


From the 15th to the mid 20th century, nothing much happened.   In 1980, Ashley's Pub moved into it's current location in Butler Plaza. From that point on, we have continued the tradition of nothing much happening.

Nothing will continue to happen until 2037 when Ashley's will host the signing of the intergalactic space treaty.  Disaster will narrowly be averted when the American ambassador offers the galactic representitives a drink before realizing they lacked the muscle motor control to hold a martini.  Our quick-thinking staff provides Jumbo glasses instead; thereby preventing a galactic faux pas, and the total destruction of the planet.